


goodbye in advance

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Mentions of Death, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, mentions of war and things that go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23059348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: Everyone was born with a set of initials on their chest, the initials of the person they were destined to spend their life with. The legend was that once your soulmate touched those little letters, they would go from their white scar-color to blood red. Michael remembered the sensation of it like it just happened a few seconds ago, the feeling of Alex vibrating under his skin.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 7
Kudos: 104





	goodbye in advance

**Author's Note:**

> idea from profitinaecho on tumblr!

“Stop it.”

“Let me see!”

“No!”

“Why not?!”

Michael glared a bit harsher than intended towards Maria. She was way, way too eager to see the initials on his chest. He didn’t know why or what she planned to get out of it. It wasn’t hers.

“Do you know who they belong to?” she asked, prodding more because she could. That seemed to be the exchange for free booze.

“Yep,” Michael said, taking another swig of his beer. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“Then why aren’t you with them?”

He chose not to answer.

Everyone was born with a set of initials on their chest, the initials of the person they were destined to spend their life with. The legend was that once your soulmate touched those little letters, they would go from their white scar-color to blood red. Michael remembered the sensation of it like it just happened a few seconds ago, the feeling of _Alex_ vibrating under his skin.

What they didn’t tell you was that 1/1,000,000 had an extra set of initials somewhere and if your primary soulmate touched _those_ letters, they would turn ink black and burn. Michael still couldn’t get the image of Alex crying and holding his hip out of his head, the skin too burnt to move. He was kind of scared to touch him after that.

He didn’t really have to worry when he got shipped out again.

Michael had done his research after that though. He’d found out that, typically, the further the second set was from the primary set, the less likely it was they would meet them. Not that the love would be any less or that it would be temporary, no, it was just… less likely. It was painful knowing that he wasn’t Alex’s only person. Even more painful knowing that it wasn’t even that far away from his initials.

“Hello, Earth to Guerin,” Maria said, waving her hand in front of his face. He blinked back to life and looked at her. “Was it bad? How it ended?”

Michael licked his lips and pushed off the stool. “I gotta go, put it on my tab.”

“Right,” Maria sighed, letting him leave without a fight.

Michael made his way home with Alex on his mind. Alex was _always_ on his mind, even before they found out they happened to be soulmates. Just now it hurt a bit more becausethey’d gotten in a big fight before he left over those stupid initials.

Deep down, he knew it wasn’t Alex’s fault. He also knew that the likelihood of Alex choosing that guy over him once the MG on his chest was red was slim to none. But, damn, it hit some level of insecurity he didn’t know he had. That KA on his hip felt like a taunt. _He could never love you_ , that stupid voice said, _not like you love him. You’ll never be his only one._

Which hurt like a bitch.

So, Michael sunk into his bed and tried not to think of it. It didn’t smell like Alex anymore, but the Air Force t-shirt he’d left when he stormed out was still in the bed. It never left. That alone felt bittersweet. Yeah, sometimes he saw it and thought of Alex’s sweet smile and dry sense of humor. But other times he could only hear Alex screaming when he accidentally kissed over those initials, jerking away from Michael like he burned him. Because he had.

He wasn’t sure how the hell he’d gone so long without touching them in the first place. Or, fuck, _seeing_ them. Sure, the first time they hooked up, Michael couldn’t remember touching him there. Then he was gone and when he came back, he’d had a bandage on his side from an “I barely got shot” wound. Then… okay, maybe he never really had the opportunity to touch it like that. But still.

Michael didn’t really notice he’d fallen asleep until he was being nudged in the back.

“What the fuck?” he groaned, rolling onto his back. He expected to see Isobel for another late-night complaining about how the initials on her chest didn’t match the guy she was falling in love with, but instead, it was Alex. Beautiful, beautiful Alex. “What the fuck?” he repeated for an entirely different reason.

Alex was still in uniform, eyes tired but face like a man on a mission. He looked like he’d come straight from his plane. Which maybe he had.

“They gave me emergency leave,” Alex said coldly. Michael slowly sat up.

“Why? What happened? Are you okay?”

Instead of giving a verbal answer, he untucked his shirt and pulled it up to reveal that _KA._ But now it was an irritated pink and looked like it’d been scratched out by a child who was getting a little too angry at his crayons.

“I know you don’t care, but his name was Khalil Ali, I think,” Alex said, “He was a victim in a bombing one town over from my base in Baghdad and I felt it get scratched out not too long after the bombing and the initials fit. So… I guess I indirectly killed my soulmate.”

“Fuck, Alex,” Michael breathed. His heart ached for the man in front of him. Maybe he never met him and maybe Michael would’ve hated if they had met. But still. He couldn’t imagine that pain.

“I don’t… I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I didn’t know him, but… Part of me had to belong to him, didn’t it? Did I kill a part of me with him?”

“Alex, you didn’t kill him.”

“Close enough.”

They both fell silent, only the sound of their breathing to be heard. Michael could hear Alex’s breathing get less controlled with each passing second. Like always, Alex was safe to break with him. He just had to be prepared to put him back together.

“It still hurts,” Alex said, voice weaker than before, “My whole body hurts. It’s been a week, I don’t know when it’s going away. What if it doesn’t go away?”

Michael reached out for him and pulled him onto his lap, letting Alex clutch onto him and let it out.

“I know you don’t wanna hear about it.”

“Alex, yes, I do,” Michael promised, cradling his head against his neck, “Even if you’d met him and fallen in love with him, I’d want to hear about it. If it affects you, I want to know.”

Alex sniffled and Michael’s neck felt wet. He held him tighter.

“I feel so guilty,” Alex admitted.

“I know, but I promise it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Michael promised, slowly shifting so they could lay down. They could get him out of his stiff uniform later. “And, by the way, I’m sorry I yelled at you last time I saw you. You didn’t deserve that. Also not your fault.”

Alex huffed a laugh and pulled away just enough to make eye contact. As horrible as it was to see Alex cry, the mix of his tears and the moonlight made his eyes look otherworldly. Michael used his thumb to wipe a few stray tears away.

“You’re my only person now, though, so I bet you feel good about this.”

“Oh my God, Alex, that’s so fucking dark,” Michael huffed, shaking his head, “I’m not happy a man died.”

“I know,” Alex said, sniffling, “But–”

“No buts,” Michael insisted, “Like I said, I would’ve hated if he got you and I didn’t, but he would’ve loved you. And you would’ve loved him. I’m happy as long as your happy. And you’re hurting right now, so I’m hurting.”

Alex stared at him for a moment, taking a deep breath. Then he asked, “Can you touch it again?”

“Touch what?”

“His initials.”

Michael looked at him skeptically.

“You want me to hurt you more?”

“I just wanna see what happens,” Alex said, “I promise, if it still hurts, I won’t cry.”

“You’re already crying.”

“Fine, I won’t cry more,” Alex promised, “I just want to know.” He seemed so, so sure that Michael caved without much more of an argument.

Reluctantly, Michael found his way beneath Alex’s shirt, right above his waistband, and lightly touched the hotter, raised skin. Alex took a sharp, shaky breath, his body flinching. When Michael tried to pull away, Alex held his hand in place.

“Don’t move,” Alex whispered. Michael watched as his eyes closed and his breathing, though heavy, grew steadier and steadier. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.

“What’s going on?” Michael asked softly. 

“It kinda, um,” Alex said, swallowing, “Like an ice pack on a sprained ankle.”

“I’ve never sprained my ankle.”

Alex huffed a little laugh and he smiled, genuine and bright. It brought Michael a little more peace. He was helping somehow. He wasn’t quite sure _how,_ but that was okay.

“Just don’t move,” Alex said. Michael nodded and closed his eyes, relaxing into Alex. He knew he’d probably have to go back sooner rather than later, but he could enjoy this.

He could enjoy knowing they were going to be okay.

“I won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


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